Resident Prankster

It is a lovely thing to be at a happy residency program with people you can call friends. There is always someone to turn to and a shoulder to cry on when things get tough. You can ask any and all questions without feeling like a numbnutz. There is always someone around to laugh with. In some sick and twisted way, work can sometimes feel like social time. I wouldn’t trade this culture in for anything.

Once in awhile, however, we can get a little too close for comfort...

Consider my very first day as a second year. I was in the operating room doing my first repeat c-section and it was NOT looking pretty (thankfully not because of me, but because the patient was a terrible operative candidate). In the background, I heard my pager (a.k.a. my hospital ball-and-chain) go off. Wanting to make sure no one urgently needed a resident, I ask Pauline, the circulating nurse to check the new message. A minute later she tells me “It was just the pharmacy.” Relieved, I continued operating.

About a half hour later, we finished with the case. I finished the patient’s post-op orders and paperwork. By the time I was done dictating the operative note, everyone was gone. I remembered to check my pager. It read:

DR. C, YOUR CHLAMYDIA PILLS ARE READY FOR PICK UP IN THE MAIN PHARMACY.

Um, what?!?!?

Now let me be clear – this was a JOKE. I do not, nor have I ever had an STD. And if I did, I surely wouldn’t go to the pharmacy at my hospital where people know me…

As I read this text I literally gasped. I felt my face get hot. I thought of Paula, who read the text. I wanted to explain, but she was nowhere in sight. What was she gonna think of me now? And in the peri-op crew, gossip travels like wildfire. Crap! Craaaaaap!!! I immediately thought of about four people who might’ve had the gall to pull a prank like this. “I swear I'm gonna kill them…” I said to myself.

Well, if I had the slightest bit of worry that the peri-op team might think the information on that text page was real, it was dispelled soon thereafter. I became The Butt Of All Jokes that night. Every single time I saw a scrub tech, a circulating nurse, or an anesthesiologist that night, I was greeted with, “Hey Doctor, we have your piiiiilllls….” followed by bursts of laughter. Even my ATTENDING joined in on the fun. Dr. S, one of my most prim and proper, hair-and-makeup-always-done attendings, snickered at me with barely a straight face and said “So I heard about your little problem…” It's two days later now and I still don't think I am ever going to live this down.

Like I said earlier, I wouldn’t trade my 80 hours a week of work with friends for anything. But seriously guys, just remember. Revenge is a dish best served cold…